I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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