Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
