"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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