I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
soo... how was my night?
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