DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize