If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
