i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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