Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize