I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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