I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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