This girl is more easily done than said...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
