Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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