Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
bring money and cleavage
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
