i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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