I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
