Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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