Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
