i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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