she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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