his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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