You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
