my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
