apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
honey bunches of taint.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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