I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
