I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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