I accidentally burped into my bong.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
