I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
