I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
