the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
