i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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