The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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