ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just found a bag of teeth...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i think my cat just said my name.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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