I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
