Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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