$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
