I want to stick my p in your. b.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
