Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize