she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
