New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
