the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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