Don't make out with my wife yet
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
