This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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