Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
