You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
