Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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