evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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