okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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