I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
