I will die if light touches me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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