3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
