My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
