we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
