Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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