I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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