you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
