life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
