I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
