It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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