so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My hand turned me down
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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