you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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