Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
