I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize