well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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