you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
