I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
