you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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